Lesson 1: Identity

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."~ Hebrews 12:2

This was the verse in my devotional this morning.  I'm in a season, where the truth of the verse immediately began to seep into my soul.  

Fix my eyes.....focus on Jesus

Why?  because he perfects my faith.

What a year!  As the school year winds down, I find myself unable to express all the truths God has taught me this year.  However, I'd like to share a few lessons God's taught me in hopes that they encourage you and may even be true in your own life.

                                    My identity is in Christ.  

         As many of you know, I moved to my husband's hometown in California a few years ago.  The first few months were hard as I pursued a job, church family, friendships, etc.  God provided a job within 2 months of substituting teaching in a grade I loved.   God used my 2 years teaching at the school to build local friendships and even a Bible Study group with a few other teachers.  However, it was clear this was not where God wanted me to permanently teach.  Last Spring when I began to knock on doors of other opportunities. God had filled me with peace and joy on the way home from one of my interviews.  Afterwards I felt this was his way of preparing me for the shock of the offer, because later I was offered a 5th grade teaching position in this well respected district.   After 7 years of teaching (and loving) kindergarten-2nd grade, I worried about it all summer.  By the end of the summer I realized that though I was intimidated by teaching a grade I had no experience in and knew little about, my real battle was a spiritual struggle.  
           I felt like so many parts of my identity changed when I moved here-  living near my family, my home church, cats, friendships, my home, and so on.  Teaching "little ones" was one part of who I was that God had allowed to be constant until last summer.  I begged God to please open up a younger grade and allow me to do what I loved.  He said no.   
           He wanted me to learn that my identity was in HIM.....not in the grade I teach.  
           The first 3-4 months of the school year were just as hard as I thought they'd be.  Once December hit, I began to relax.  I've learned that I love teaching period...yes I still prefer the younger grades, but God can provide purpose in any grade.  and.....I LOVE my students.  Saying goodbye to them and sending them off to middle school in a few weeks is going to be very bittersweet.  God's used these students to bring joy, encouragement, and growth in my life.  I will miss their smiles and laughs.  I will miss the relationships God's grown over the last 10 months.  His faithfulness to me this year humbly brings me to my knees. I'll NEVER forget this year. 
           I needed to learn this lesson from God.  He's placed me at a great school with a great team and staff and now, next year, he's allowing me to go back to first grade.  However, in the future, if he decides to move me back to an older grade, I desire to  trust him and go without such a fit.

Worth

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining till He appeared and  the soul felt it's worth."    O Holy Night


"I think of Mary and the virgin birth, and I'm amazed by how much God thinks we are worth, that he would send his only Son to die and sometimes Christmas makes me cry....tears of thankfulness, tears of hope. I cry tears of joy at Christmas cause I know there is peace on Earth for every heart to find."~ Mandissa and Matthew West ,  Sometimes Christmas Makes Me Cry


These two songs' lyrics prompt reflection within my heart this Christmas. These words remind me that Christmas is about Jesus.  He doesn't change, his presence doesn't fade, his love is constant....

Christmas is about God telling you that YOU are of great worth.

Christmas is about God showing you your worth.  God sent Jesus, his Son, to Earth. God knew without Jesus we'd be eternally separated from him.  Jesus came and died for our eternal salvation.  That's how much God thinks we are worth. When we place our trust in Jesus, God sees Jesus' righteousness when he looks at us instead of our sins, mistakes, shortcomings, etc.  

That's how much God thinks we are worth.

Praying you find Jesus' peace on Earth.

Thanks-remembering

     I woke up on Thanksgiving morning trying not to cry the tears that were forming.  One by one, the generation of my dearly loved grandparents have gone to be with Jesus.  As a child, you think traditions will hold forever.  I grew up traveling the four hour drive to my parents' hometown in rural West Virginia.  The soundtrack for the drive was a Reader's Digest Country Christmas Collection. 
      My family always arrived to countless hugs and feasts on both my mom and dad's side.  When my grandma had her own house it was always full, each bedroom and couch filled with extended family.  You'd never know she had extremely painful arthritis and back pain from fused vertebrae.  Once we all showed up, she came alive in the kitchen.  You didn't bother asking for recipes because she didn't need any.  "A little ____, a little ________"  etc.  Her specialties?  green beans and homemade bread.  Oh yeah...and pies: cherry, lemon, chocolate, mincemeat, apple, peach, and so on.  If she knew it was your favorite, she made it and lined it up with the other pies across her piano.  In her later years I drove up a few days early to help her make pies, only to be fussed at, "Those aren't pie making clothes!  You can't make pies in those clothes!"  So I'd change and return...she'd accept the help only under direct supervision.  Whether there were more side dishes or pies, it's hard to say.  Even as an adult, my seat was usually at the "kids table" with my sister, brother, and a few cousins.  
      After days of preparation and cooking, you'd think she'd take a few days to recuperate.   Oh, no!  Because next to cooking, shopping was one of her favorite activities.  So, around 5:30 a.m. on Black Friday my sister and I would get in her car and ride 30 minutes into Maryland to go to the mall.  This began when she no longer knew what to get us for Christmas.  So she'd give us an envelope of money and help us pick out Christmas gifts from her.  Grandma freely gave her fashion advice.  The most important rule:  Don't buy something drab.  She wasn't afraid to tell you, "That's drab!"  We started each year with breakfast biscuits at Chickfilla.  Then we'd roam from one side of the mall to the other skipping very few stores.  Even in her last years she took us, waiting for us outside the stores.  By noon when all the door busters were over, mom and dad would meet us at Jerry's Pizza for lunch.  Grandma and dad would pile a plate full of banana peppers for their pizza and I'd get a Strawberry drink at Orange Julius.  This continued at least 10 years. 
      So on Thursday, I woke up smelling the feast, hearing the voices scurrying around, and trying to keep warm.  These memories are ingrained and available to replay anytime.  That's when the tears started to form.  Tears of thankfulness that I have these memories, yet tears of sorrow that they'll remain in the past.  Tears that Paul never got to meet my grandma and that she couldn't be at our wedding. 
       My grandparents are a treasure.  They taught me about love and the importance of family despite distance.  They taught me the importance of  connecting and relating to each other despite differences.  
        Looking back, makes me realize how much more I should treasure the present.  Nothing in life is constant except the Lord.  People come into our lives, and we can't take their presence for granted.   On Thanksgiving evening Paul and I walked a block down the street to his parents' house and gathered with his whole family.  I carried a bowl of green beans I'd made that were a far imitation of grandma's.  We have two nieces and two nephews on his side, one of each celebrating their 5th birthday.  I sat on the floor with my one year old niece, Molly, in my lap playing the princess game and Scooby Doo game we bought for the twins....and I thought...these memories are precious too. 

Life Lessons from David

   One thing I love about Bible Study is that it chronicles seasons of growth as God's word is lived out in every area of life.  For the past 3 months I've been studying the life of David with a dear friend.  Lessons from God transcend time, applying to every circumstance.  The past 3 months have been difficult for me during several transitions.  As we conclude our study, reflecting on all the lessons God's personally applied in my life during this time leaves me in awe, yet again, of his loving faithfulness.
     Let me share a few things I've learned with you:

• Leadership is meant to grow others (as explained in an earlier post)
• There is conflict when your position exceeds your passion for it.  When Saul was chosen to be Israel's first king, they couldn't find him because "he was hiding in the baggage." 1 Samuel 10  He wasn't sure he wanted the position of king.  We run into conflict when we are given jobs, responsibilities, and positions that we lack desire or purpose to fulfill.
• Obstacles should be measured beside God, not our own strength.  When Goliath was blaspheming God's name, the men of Israel shook with fear because of his physical size.  However, David measured Goliath by the size of God.  (1 Samuel 17)  I'm guilty of measuring circumstances and obstacles with my own strength, ability, and energy, instead of God's.
• As God's child, my feelings don't have to control me. (1st John 3:20)
• God prepared David for his role as king through every circumstance preceeding his kingship.  (1 Samuel 23)  "We often want to be called of God, then ushered painlessly into a position of service and honor, miraculously possessing the character our callings require.  God doesn't work that way.  Our appointments are about God's glory.  God always works to prepare us to serve Him, but he rarely prepares us in ways we expect.  Any work we've grown accustomed to is usually a work completed.  As soon as we've learned one lesson, He brings another.  He will continue to work in us until we see His face."  Beth Moore   He never meant for our lives to be stagnant.
• Focusing more on our battles than on God causes us to lose perspective; our battles look bigger and God seems smaller. Psalm 10 begins focusing on the surrounding calamity and ends with realizing who God is and his faithfulness.
• Battles can either make us weaker or stronger. (2 Samuel 3:1)
• We must be more focused on God's opinion than that of other's.  When Saul was pursuing David to kill him, David was given a few opportunities to bring harm to Saul.  David decided not to raise his hand against Saul because God had anointed Saul as king.  Despite the opinions of others, David cared most about what God thought.

• Personally, God convicted me about a situation where I did not put God's opinion of me above another's.  Afterwards, I repented, asking, "Do I care more about that person's opinion of me or what God thinks?"  Thankfully, this allowed great growth.  I'm learning to experience the peace that comes when I know I'm right before God, despite what others may think.  There's great freedom in that.  It removes emotions of defense and replaces them with peace.

 Thankful,
    Sarah

Two concerts in two days

     Ever since we drove across the United States in the summer of 2012 and stopped in Nashville without going to a concert, my country music loving husband has reminded me, "I've never been to a concert."  I decided he'd said that enough so we bought tickets to go see one of his favorites, Zac Brown.  The concert was Friday night.  Shortly after work we drove two hours to Fresno and were wowed by the musical talent of this band.  Paul doesn't say much so you have to learn to read his body language.  When he gets his phone out and starts taking pictures and videos, you know he's having a great time. It was a late night, but well worth it. 

     Ever since I found out the Zac Brown Concert was the same weekend as Winter Jam (a tour of 10 Christian music artists), I debated whether two concerts in two days was too much.  However....Crowder was going to be there.  My appreciation for his worship music began my freshman year of college and has been on the soundtrack for each season I've been through since.  There's something to be said about music that grows with you so....
    

We drove up to Sacramento last night to worship the Lord with 13,000 others.  It was an amazing opportunity and uplifting to see so many gathered in
the name of Jesus. David Crowder had the crowd worshiping and praising our Savior in "down home" hoedown style.

    This weekend is one of the first that Paul and I have been able to spend entirely together since school began.  Renovations continue, school work stretches, and extra opportunities for income are presented.  I'm thankful for the time we spent together sharing music we each enjoy.

     

The meaning of leading

As you know the word "grow" holds great significance for me (as evidenced by the theme of my blog).  This week's Bible Study teaching planted spiritual seeds, allowing me to reflect on the living Word and truth of God in my life.  
My fall Bible study has focused on the life of David.  As it comes to a close, we studied his last words in 2 Samuel 23.  In verse 3-4 David says,
The God of Israel spoke, the Rock of Israel said to me;
'When one rules over men in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God, he is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings the grass from the earth.'

Come to find out the original word for "rules" is the same word used in Genesis 1;16 and 18 when the sun governs the day with light.  So, rules=governs.  

Think about what that means... The purpose of leadership is not just to lead.  When a leader governs rightly (as God does) and seeks to honor the Lord, he or she brings light (like the sun) to those under their authority. Not only do they bring light, but they also bring GROWTH, just as the sun causes the grass to GROW.  

I love that!

It caused me to reflect on the present leadership roles I've been given and the present leaders I'm under.  I'm responsible for the growth of 26, 5th grade students. God has exploded my heart with love for them in ways I thought I would only ever love primary students.  They are some of the most kind, fun, and caring 9 and 10 year olds ever.  I am their teacher to grow them.

However, I'm also under a leader who fits this description.  My principal has been full of grace, encouragement, and mercy during my transition to a new district, school, and grade.  She's been supportive and involved.  Once a week a few of the teachers gather to pray for our public school campus.  My principal is also present.  Her leadership is growing me.

Above all earthly leadership, God continues to lead my life with light and growth.

In 2003 I heard someone offer a powerful prayer and have not forgotten it:
"Thank you God for loving me enough to not let me stay the same."

Amen!

Psalm 126 "The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy."

God's fingerprints have been all over our spring and beginning of summer.  I often feel the urge to blog and then am not sure how to put it all into words. 

1. Since I last wrote, Paul and I both got new jobs.  He started his in May and I will begin mine in August.  He loves his one mile commute and coming home on his lunch breaks.  It was bittersweet to say goodbye to my students after teaching them both first and second grade, however, I know God is preparing me for a new season of teaching (for the students and myself)...one that I would have never applied for: 5th grade.  For this primary grade lover, 5th grade is definitely an opportunity for feeling intimidated and/or taking God up on an opportunity for growth and stretching.  I'd love your prayers as early August approaches!
2. My parents also came to CA for the first time to visit and see "our world."  Paul scrambled to prepare our 2nd bedroom and install our 2nd bathroom (from scratch), but pulled it off around midnight on the night before they arrived. :)  I was able to share my old and new schools with them.  They were also able to worship with us at our church. 
3. Our first anniversary!  We celebrated our first anniversary with both sets of parents and Paul's grandma.  What a wonderful day to reflect on the past year of growth and memories together.  
4. Each of the previous blessings has caused us to look up and thank God for how involved he is in each detail of our lives....yet today something happened that made me feel a sense of urgency to blog..

In February I found a lump on my skin.  It caused some alarm since I've never had anything like that before.  After several doctor's appointments, an ultrasound, and a surgeon's consultation, nobody seemed sure what it was.  We decided it was best to remove and biopsy it.  This was scheduled for June 11th.  However, after we realized how much better Paul's new insurance plan would be compared with my old plan, I canceled the surgery so that I could have it done under the care of a doctor within our new network.  On June 26th, my mom and I went to a dermatologist, who felt sure it was a cyst and could be removed.  Please know that I do NOT like needles in any fashion, but knew this was part of stewarding my body.  This procedure was scheduled for today.  For the past few days I haven't been able to see or feel the lump.  I told the doctor this as she prepared the supplies.  
She took a look and agreed,  "I don't see any need to cut you open if I can't even feel where I need to cut.  You're one of the lucky ones that had the cyst go away on its own."  

I replied, "I'll be singing a praise song on the way home."  
That's not luck!  That's GOD!  He heals.  
Paul and I will fly east early Thursday morning for my brother's wedding. Now, there's no need to be 
concerned about the care of the wound, etc. during all the traveling and festivities.   Thank you Jesus for your love and healing physically and spiritually.