"Who am I?"

Tonight as I was driving home Travis Cottrell's version of "Just as I Am" came on the radio.  The newly added chorus resonated within my soul and in light of Easter and Christ's resurrection, I wanted to share it.

"I come broken to be mended,

I come wounded to be healed,
I come desperate to be rescued,

I come empty to be filled.

I come guilty to be pardoned

by the blood of Christ the Lamb

and I'm welcomed with open arms,

Praise God, just as I am. "

Immediately, I thought, Who am I

• to be filled?
• to be the receiver of God's consuming grace and redemption?
• to be provided for physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually?
• and on...

God completely amazes me with the places he brings us to, the situations he brings us through, and the growth he provides during each season.  I am in awe of how God fills.  His word says: "so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11  His purpose stands.
Before I came to CA nearly two years ago, I was told that the job market was really tough and there were no teaching positions.  After two months of subbing, God provided a full time position at a school full of young teachers.  Through this, God provided me with local Christian friends around my age.  God's economy is beyond what our human eyes can see.
Tonight I had dinner with two of those friends.  I marveled at God's plan to build friendships while providing a job. 
For years I've had a sewing machine, but very little knowledge of it.  A woman from my church decided to offer free sewing lessons to those of us who wanted to learn.  She brought me home a few days ago and it was such a blessing to learn more about God's faithfulness to her.  
Of course I also see God's hand in my marriage.  Paul and I continue to merge our separate lives into a partnership for God's glory.  
The beauty of all this is that I come to Christ just as I am and he does much more than I could ever ask.  He goes ahead of me.

"Just as I am, I would be lost

but mercy and grace

my freedom bought

and now to glory in your cross

Oh Lamb of God, I come, I come." 

I am full.
God overflows. 

Daniel

There are people that walk into our lives and God instantly gives us a connection and love towards them.  In 2006, I was hired for my first teaching job as a kindergarten teacher.  I scrambled to prepare everything for open house day when I would finally meet my first class.  The day arrived and the first student to walk through my door was Daniel.

That year I learned that I loved teaching kindergarten and loved each one of my 24 unique students.   Half way through the school year Daniel told his parents he wanted to visit me at my home.  We explained my 45 minute commute and the logistics so he settled on a Burger King dinner date. 

In May, when his family announced they were moving, I was devastated.  I'd come to have a special bond and love with each of these five people.  They had come to America so that Daniel's father could attend seminary at Liberty University.  That spring, he completed his classes and received a position as pastor in California.  That seemed so far away to me!   Daniel's last day was field day.  Our class wished him well with hot Cheetos, his favorite snack, and a shirt we had all signed. 

Little did I know, God planned for this family to stay in my life well beyond that year.  On several of my visits to see Paul, I was able to spend a night with them.  We scattered a few emails throughout the past 3 years, but no visits had taken place.  Last month Daniel emailed me from his newly established email account.  We set up today for a reunion. We split our 3 hour drive and meet in the middle for lunch.  I can't explain the joy in seeing him and his mother again.  They are a true picture of God's encouragement, love, and graciousness.  Only as we talked did he humbly reveal that he recently skipped a grade to be in 7th (still making straight A's).  He's read through the entire Bible 5 times!  Isn't God amazing?  He has specific purposes for Daniel, yet Daniel doesn't seem to realize what a gift of learning he has.  I'm so thankful to be a part of watching these plans unfold over the years!

Christmas

Paul finished our living room floor just in time to buy our first Christmas tree.  We prepared for the parade that goes right down our street.

After celebrating with family in CA, Paul and I packed our bags and headed east just in time for Christmas. 
Our first Christmas as husband and wife was truly blessed.  My entire family was home and together for our visit.  Ben's fiance, Kate, came for a week and my grandpa came too.  During our time we were able to spend quality time initiating Paul into the family and catch up with friends.  I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

VanGilder Clan

I treasure every visit with Grandpa.

Sisters :)

First time plowing snow

let's go jogging

Growing Conditions

    My move to CA and desire for a garden has required me to learn about the plants that grow here and their growing conditions.  The climate and temperature pattern is very different; rain only falls in the late fall and winter and the temperatures stay milder.  This requires sprinklers in our yard if we want anything to grow, but also opens up a lengthy list of perennials since the plants don't die in cold winter temperatures.  Instead of apple orchards, you'll see almond orchards.  The leaves are starting to change (finally!).  The maples and oaks are scattered among Chinese Pistache trees.
    This weekend was a hard one to be away from my family.  They gathered together to take part in a very exciting event.  Up until Friday, I didn't realize that I'd be the only one not present.  Secondly, there are some things that need to be taken care of that would be so easily accomplished if I was there and could do them myself.  However, relying on someone else makes it more complicated. 
     Yes, I miss being home, but you know what?  Lately, in spite of these challenges, I feel thankful.  Life is always changing and no season is ever permanent.  There are many reasons to be thankful for this exact time in life because there will never be another season exactly like it and when it is gone, I will remember it with a smile of thankfulness.  As I was reading the "Thanksgiving" sections of New Testament letters this morning, God drew this analogy: 

 "what grows in one season (climate, location, or set of circumstances) can't grow as easily in another"  

Just as it is for plants, so it us for us.  He brings us to specific circumstances to accomplish specific purposes and fruit. God is growing a different kind of fruit in my life during this season.  As he guides me along his perfect path, here are some of the things uniquely specific to this season that I'm thankful for.   

•  God, who continues to be near and present in each step, continually forgiving me because he loves me
• my marriage to Paul and the opportunity to experience life together
• our church and church family,  the genuineness and desire to grow in Christ and the constant ways they reflect Christ to others, their openness to let people serve.  This church of around 100 members just raised over $26,000 for missions at their fall bazaar!
• my students.  teaching them for 2 years in a row gives the opportunity for strong connections and to gaze upon so much growth!
• my team at school.  This unique group of women is encouraging and supportive.  We're united as a grade level.  This past week we gathered to celebrate an upcoming wedding, two of us traveled to San Francisco to preview a possible field trip, and two of us are starting a Bible Study together.  
• the progress toward making our house into a home
• Cleo, the friendly neighborhood cat, that realizes I want a cat so she visits me often.  

• friendships in the area.  This evening while jogging I ran into my friend, Ericka and her little Lucas.  It's amazing how many similarities we have and how easy it's been to become friends.
• the frequent communication I have with my sister, brother, and parents 
• my in-laws, nieces and nephews
•  as life continues, the list grows...

     

the quilts

It's interesting to think about the symbolism behind gifts and how this represents our relationship to the giver.  God, the perfect Giver, always has purpose and symbolism behind his gifts.  Just what we need, during the perfect season, for the growth and purposes he desires.  Often the themes of his gifts are similar, yet the representation and timelines are different for each of us. 

So it is with these quilts.  The quilter interpreted the theme of growth (in a gardening sense and beyond), love, and life differently, yet each is symbolic of the path God guides me along. 

Quilt 1:  Shortly after Paul and I were engaged, my aunt, Debbie, told me she wanted to make us a quilt for our wedding gift.  When she asked me for ideas, I shared with her the idea of "growing" and seeds.  The front has fabric patterns representing this and the back has a "vine-like" stitch.



Quilt 2:  When Paul and I returned from our honeymoon, this quilt was on our bed.  His mom's friend, Michelle, sewed it using batik (very African like)  patterns in purples, browns, and greens.  On the back, the fabric is a vine. The stitching is hearts, perfect for a wedding quilt.

 


Quilt 3:  Have I mentioned that our church is FULL of quilters?  A few weeks ago, one of the ladies in my Bible Study group gave us this quilt at our CA wedding reception.  It has many batik patterns, with a forestry background.  Paul's parents said it had "his" and "hers" sides. 

quilts

The arrival of fall weather makes me want to trade my shorts in for jeans and curl up under a quilt.  Speaking of quilts...we were blessed with three handmade quilts as wedding gifts.  Each one as unique as the quilter who created it.  Perhaps over the weekend I'll take some pictures and explain the significance of each to me.  
Life is like a quilt....each season stitched together to create a bigger picture of God's plans and purposes.  Sometimes the pieces seem predictable, perfect squares.  Other times, the pieces don't make sense until placed next to another piece to complete the shape.  That is the reason I'm changing my background for awhile.  Tis the season for something cozy, yet creative....pattern unknown, yet purposeful.